Life

Power from vulnerablity and power from might

It’s not about the weak becoming strong it’s about them finding strength in their weakness. Which means that their very nature of being weak actually makes them strong. You can see how weakness brings a family together. A helpless little just born would bring the family together or an old grandmother who relies on others to get up and walk and to survive can also bind the family together.

So what makes these people who are totally reliant on others become strong in their weakness?  Homo Sapiens were at the bottom of the food chain or probably in the middle. They were in no position to take on the predators but then they did.  Homo Sapiens were perhaps only species that produced babies that were semi-formed who needed care and protection.  So perhaps the stronger members of the family took turns to protect the babies. These helpless offspring brought the tribe together to protect the smaller ones.

This protecting the weak the vulnerable plays out even now in many situations.  I would take the coalition politics as a case out here.

The political firmament has a variety of political parties in India. Over the past 5 years, we have witnessed the rise of one and the fall of the other.

A power that is the outcome of vulnerability can be magical. It has the power to bring various forces (even opposing ones) together. And the power that springs forth from might is predatory it may weaken the enemies but remember it is the weakness that will make them strong in their weakness.

 

Magical, Mystical Mom

It must in the year 1972 as I was getting back from school there was this little crowd gathered around some activity, curious I went and saw and it was Jayalalitha with all those make up dabbed on her face dancing under the Chetput bridge. It was some movie that was being shot.  That was my first and the last close encounter.  Then it was during those days when MGR died and there was a tussle between Janaki and Jayalalitha for supremacy over the party.  The journalist, whom I happened to know well, recorded an interview of Jayalalitha in her recording device and gave it to me to decipher some tamil phrases she had used. I was mid way through the interview when my friend came and pulled out the cassette and rushed out.   Later I hear that Jayalalitha had changed her mind about the interview and requested to withdraw the statements made in haste obviously.

I have heard many stories apart from this from many people but I dont want to go into it.

Now she is behind bars. A lady who worked her way up and got into the laps of luxury has to get back to her beginning.  But what puzzles me is a lady who is so smart and confident why would she ever do some stupid thing like this ?  Or is she being implicated and framed ?  What beats me is her proximity to Sasikala. What is it that she saw in Sasikala ?  I just can’t fathom it.

Surely I have tremendous respect for her ability to take on the DMK monolith single handedly and crush the party and ground it to paste.

Now lets step aside and understand the responsibility of a leader. A leader has to inspire, lead and carry the people forward. Amma has not done that. She had her ministers falling at her feet quite literally. She was tough taskmaster.  She was abrasive. She took bold decisions. All these made even those close to her to fear her. Now that is not what a leader is made of. A leader certainly cannot be so closely aligned to a person like Sasikala and her clan.

Bottom line guilty of crimes or not. She surely is not a leader. But I still kind of like her. Thats the enigma of Jayalalitha.

 

 

Creating a study environment at home

Mr & Mrs Sundar stepped into the counselling centre in 2012. Their problem was their daughter, who as 7 yrs old, was doing poorly in academics and the school had advised the parents to put her in a special school for intervention.  Mr Sundar was an IAS officer and he was not able to accept it and his wife was distraught.   I interacted with the child and found that she was normal.

Here is a background about me, I help children with learning difficulties, I administer a scientifically endorsed intervention and support it with parent counselling with a fairly  good success rate. I work with children with ADHD, Dyslexia and other learning challenges. On the other end I avoid direct interaction with normal children and I prefer working with their parents to help the children learn.

Anyway I took up this case though I knew I would not be able to contribute directly. As a first step I told Mr STUDY& Mrs Sundar that I would like to meet them at their home.  So after a week I called up to tell them I would like to come to their place in the next 30 mts. It was 8:30 in the evening and I reached their place in 15 minutes. What I saw was shocking.

The place was strewn with newspapers, there was huge TV blaring out some tamil songs. The curtains were unkempt some kitchen utensils were lying around. To top it all the place was brightly lit with tube lights. The little girl was in a corner doing nothing. 

I spoke to Mr. Sundar the next day and I took it upon myself to recreate the home and provide a study environment.  These are  the few things I did :

1.  Got a storage cabinet to store the newspapers.

2.  Got other storage furniture to organize the things that were lying outside

3.  Got new light colored curtains with laces to give it a soft homely environment

4.  Dedicated one room for storage cabinets and kept most of the items there

5.  Provided lot of open space in the main hall

STUDY 26.  Sold the big screen TV and got a small portable one instead. Kept the TV in master bedroom and it was propped up high above eye level.

7.  The girls room was repainted with soft pleasant colours.

8.  Substituted the harsh tubelights with tubelights. Only the main hall had one tube light. All the other rooms had only soft lights.

9.  Got a good study table for the girl with appropriate table lighting

10. Finally I did the most important thing,  I got a lovely bookshelf in the front room.  Managed to get a good deal of books and stacked it in the bookshelf. I was an open bookshelf and accessible even to a child. I believe a book shelf must not be closed and it must be accessible to children.

Parents must strive  to create a study environment at home. A clean uncluttered home helps the mind to be uncluttered too.  TV NO NO NO. BOOKSHELF IS A MUST. 

The girl started faring better in school the cost of the entire redesigning including my fee came to Rs.1.25 lakhs

Make Sure Your Employees’ Emotional Needs Are Met by Susan David

9:00 AM July 8, 2014

Source : HBR – for original article hit the link on the headline 

In the early 1940s, Abraham Maslow started asking questions about human motivation— questions I study, too. In 1943, he published his first article on a theory he called the Hierarchy of Needs.

Today, the theory is usually depicted as a pyramid, although Maslow didn’t use one in his original writings; it’s a textbook creation. At the bottom are physiological needs: food and water. The next levels represent safety needs, then love needs, then esteem needs. Self-actualization (personal growth and fulfillment) is at the pinnacle, suggesting that it can only be reached when the other four needs are met.

People latched onto this pyramid structure immediately. But, in doing so, they forgot Maslow’s many notes about the dynamic messiness of human motivation, which we usually experience in one conscious stream rather than small parts. “We have spoken so far as if this hierarchy were a fixed order but actually it is not nearly as rigid as we may have implied,” Maslow wrote. He would probably be appalled at how we use his theory today.

Case in point: In my work as a psychologist and organizational consultant, I recently sat in on a strategy session at a global company. The managers were discussing how to better engage their employees. One senior executive suggested they focus on cash-based incentives. Why? She cited Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, explaining that salaries and benefits would provide people with food and shelter – physiological needs. Employees could then move up the pyramid to achieve career success and, eventually, a higher purpose – the feeling that their work bettered society. She felt that the organization had to get compensation right first.

It wasn’t the first time I’d heard Maslow’s name in a meeting of managers. The hierarchy has become something of an unquestioned “fact”. It’s cited in HR manuals, business class syllabi, and leadership presentations. People use it to push the idea that the basics – like a fair salary or a safe work environment – are the employee engagement tools that matter most. But here’s the problem: the pyramid version of Maslow’s theory doesn’t usually apply to the world of professional work.

In today’s developed-world workplace, physiological and safety needs are, for the most part, already met. Salary and benefits can enhance motivation, but organizations shouldn’t focus on them disproportionately because emotional experiences can matter equally, if not more.

In a recent study of outstandingly engaged business units, I asked people what drove their high engagement scores. Only 4% of respondents mentioned pay. Instead, they highlighted feeling autonomous and empowered, and a sense of belonging on their teams. We all know people who trade high salaries and even safety for love, esteem,and self-actualization at work – the accountants who become high school teachers, or the journalists who move to war zones with pennies in their pockets.

The reality is that human needs can’t be neatly arranged into a pyramid. Motivation isn’t simple, and it’s certainly not linear. Different people are motivated by different things. Even Maslow began to worry about the uses of his theory at the end of his life, arguing that the most important way to achieve personal satisfaction was to face one’s inner demons. He entered psychoanalysis himself at age 61 to deal with long-repressed anger.

I understand why we’ve latched onto the hierarchy of needs. A motivation checklist would be nice. But we’re not working with a fixed or universal process. There are many factors that contribute to engagement, including teams, autonomy, interesting work, recognition, and individual development. So don’t let the basics of compensation and benefits drive your people strategy or the way you lead. Your employees deserve much more than a pyramid.

Sometimes you have to write to figure it out

 

Sometimes you have to write to figure it out…

This advice wasn’t just savvy guidance for how to write — it might be the wisest advice I know for how to live… The way to be okay, we all believe, is to have a specific plan — except may it’s not…

The smartest, most interesting, most dynamic, most impactful people … lived to figure it out. At some point in their lives, they realized that carefully crafted plans … often don’t hold up… Sometimes, the only way to discover who you are or what life you should lead is to do less planning and more living— to burst the double bubble of comfort and convention and just do stuff, even if you don’t know precisely where it’s going to lead, because you don’t know precisely where it’s going to lead.

This might sound risky — and you know what? It is. It’s reallyrisky. But the greater risk is to choose false certainty over genuine ambiguity. The greater risk is to fear failure more than mediocrity. The greater risk is to pursue a path only because it’s the first path you decided to pursue.

 

Treating Acid Reflux Disease With Diet and Lifestyle Changes

Do you often experience the pain of heartburn or other symptoms of acid reflux? You might take comfort in knowing that making diet changes as well as other lifestyle changes may be all you need to do. Here’s how.

What Kind of Diet Changes Can Help Acid Reflux?

One thing you can do to reduce your risk for heartburn and acid reflux disease is to eat low-fat, high-protein meals. Also, eat smaller meals more frequently; stop eating before you get too full.

Pay attention to foods that seem to trigger your heartburn and avoid them as much as possible. 

Beverages that commonly trigger heartburn or make it worse, include:

  • Coffee or tea (both regular and decaffeinated)
  • Other beverages that contain caffeine
  • Carbonated beverages
  • Alcohol

Foods that commonly trigger heartburn or make it worse, include:

  • Citrus fruits, such as oranges and lemons
  • Tomatoes and products that contain tomatoes, such as tomato sauce and salsa
  • Chocolate
  • Mint or peppermint
  • Fatty or spicy foods, such as chili or curry
  • Onions and garlic

What Other Lifestyle Changes Can Treat Acid Reflux?

In addition to acid reflux diet changes, see which of the following lifestyle changes you can make.

  • Quit smoking. Smoking increases your risk for heartburn and acid reflux disease in several ways. It may increase the amount of acid secreted by your stomach and interfere with the function of muscles that help keep acid down.
  • Reduce reflux while sleeping. These steps will help reduce reflux when you sleep:
    • Put blocks under the head of your bed to raise it at least 4 to 6 inches. This helps keep your stomach’s contents down. However, it doesn’t work to simply use lots of extra pillows because this position may increase pressure on your abdomen.
    • Stop eating at least two or three hours before lying down.
    • Try sleeping in a chair for daytime naps.
  • Lessen the pressure. Often, extra pressure around your abdomen increases acid reflux. Try these steps:
    • Don’t wear tight clothes or tight belts.
    • If you’re overweight or obese, take steps to lose weight with exercise and diet changes.

Can Medication Help Heartburn?

Over-the-counter medicine can help neutralize stomach acid. Antacids give quick, short-term relief for many people. If you need antacids frequently, it’s better to also try a medicine to decrease stomach acid.

Medicine that helps block the production of acid included H2 blockers, such as Axid AR, Pepcid AC, Tagament HB, and Zantac 75.  If you have heartburn often for more than 14 days, a third type of medicine — proton pump inhibitors — can help. These include Prevacid 24HR, Prilosec OTC, and Zegerid OTC.

If you find you need to take heartburn medicine for more than two weeks, see your doctor. Also, ask your doctor whether any medication could be triggering your heartburn or other symptoms of acid reflux disease. These are examples of medications that may trigger acid reflux:

  • Aspirin, ibuprofen, naproxen and other anti-inflammatory pain relievers
  • Some muscle relaxants
  • Certain blood pressure drugs

 Source : WEBMD

Dating tips from the animal kingdom

The Raptor Lab

Got a hot date?

If it’s with a human, you’ll probably have to rely on the classic wooing strategies: flowers, chocolates, dinner and dancing, smelling good, etc.

But in the animal kingdom, courtship often has a different flavor. I combed back through the archives of New Scientist’s Zoologger, a weekly column about extraordinary animals, and turned up some unusual techniques that other creatures use to seduce their chosen mate.

Bugs stab their sweethearts in the stomach.

Male bed bugs and bat bugs use sharp penises to stab their partners in the abdomen and deliver sperm directly into the blood. Bean weevils, who have huge and spiny penises, also lacerate their mates during sex.

Koalas use a sexy voice.

Koalas bellow to attractive females in an unusually deep voice. Their mating song, which sounds “more like a series of burps and snores,” is 20 times lower than scientists would expect the little…

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Subramaniam Swamy may be an jackass

For those of you who are offended by ‘Subramaniam Swamy and his antics. Here is a thought.  I have not met this man but I really appreciate the role he plays in the democratic process.   He takes on the powers with boldness and grit. He has a smile as a bonus..a smile that is pleasant not wicked. 

Iam not a big fan of Congress or the Gandhis but I really believe that they played a role in stabilizing the country after independence. Good or bad there is some order and democratic process because of congress. So when I saw his latest tweet lashing out at the Gandhis  I was a bit taken aback. But then a man like Subramaniam Swamy has to do what he wants to do, and he must do it his way. 

Imageas

Upper Caste and Boko Haram what’s the difference

I opened todays paper and I saw 3 news items in page 3 and 4 of The Hindu about Dalits.  And obviously all the 3 had nothing good about it.

Woman’s Marriage with Dalit leads honor killing. 

Bhavani, 25 a ‘caste hindu’ was murdered by her brother Dinesh Kumar.  And this guy obviously flew down from Kula Lumpur to commit this dastardly act.

9 suspects picked up in rape case, but no breakthrough yet

Karur murder of 17 yr old girl and the culprit is yet to be traced.

Dalit Children to miss out on education 

Obviously the parents are scared to send their kids to school.

Five cases of sesual assault on Dalit girls reported in Kulithalai 

Why Dalit ‘girls’ and that too the young ones are the targets. Remember those 200 school girls abducted by Boko Haram (Islamic Militants).  In spite of all the violence, I always respected the militants for sending their body through intense pain through training to fight for a cause. Then after all this they end up kidnapping helpless school girls ?  Thats a shame.  Is there a difference between these cowardly militants and those ‘upper caste’ people, who enjoy all the privileges and yet indulge in harassing those who cannot defend themselves. I do not support anyone who exploits others (not even the auto guys in chennai will be spared) but if the society gangs up to fight against the helpless auto drivers then its a cowardly act. Society must mobilise itself to take on big challenges not fight against hapless, helpless groups.

 

15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years. Lydia Netzer

15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years

  1. Go to bed mad.
  2. Laugh if you can 
  3. Don’t criticize. Ever.
  4. Be the Mirror
  5. Be Proud and Brag
  6. Do your own think
  7. Have kids 
  8. Get really good at sex
  9. Move
  10. Stop thinking temporarily
  11. Do not put yourself in troubles way 
  12. Make a husband pact with friends
  13. Bitch, to his mother not yours
  14. Be Loyal 
  15. Trust the Person you married